The Onion, if you aren't already familiar with it, is a fake news site, not unlike The Daily Show is on television. A lot of what they come up with is crude, not very funny, or randomly not funny.

This, however, hit a home run. Luckily, Adam didn't write the story. He's not quite to this point.

I Can't Imagine Why Anybody Would Want To Stop Crying

Life has so many wonderful experiences to offer. Like sleep. Or ingestion and evacuation. But I find life offers few opportunities more rewarding...